For those who have just suffered a loss, here’s a quick outline of immediate steps to take, with links to relevant portions of the full Guide to Jewish Mourning and Condolence:
Immediate Steps To take when a Loved One has Died
1. Call Mortuary to arrange for pick-up of the body and to learn the available times for the funeral at a cemetery. There is a Jewish section at Harbor Lawn in Costa Mesa (cemetery property must be purchased if not already arranged for pre-need). You can use mortuaries that accompany cemeteries in Orange County like Harbor Lawn or Pacific View, or use Sandy Fine at Malinow and Silverman who can make arrangements at an cemetery from Los Angeles (800-922-2244). If not already arranged for pre-need, purchase the coffin.
2. Call the Temple (949-362-3999) to inform the clergy, and to learn their availability to conduct the funeral. If your loved one was not a member of Temple Beth El, there is a $900 fee for our clergy to officiate. There may be an additional fee if the funeral is outside of Orange County. Also let the Temple know the full name of your loved one and if you want us to announce the loss to the congregation as is our practice.
3. Time of funeral
Based upon these initial calls, arrange for a time for the funeral.
4. Meal of Consolation
Decide whether you will have the traditional meal of consolation following the funeral service and if the meal is open to the community. Our Hinenu Caring Committee will work with the TBE family to provide assistance setting up and cleaning up at these gatherings.
You can also decide if you would like to have any gatherings in your home with a prayer service during the first seven days of Shiva. Our Hinenu Caring Committee will work with the TBE family to provide assistance setting up and cleaning up at these gatherings. The committee will also help make a minyan (prayer quorum of 10 Jews), if needed.
Decide when you would like to say Kaddish during the week of Shiva (first week after burial). We have a Tuesday evening Refuat HaNefesh
Tuesday, November 5 topic: When Dying is Prolonged
Febraury 11, topic: TBD
Dr. Bill Hoy, nationally acclaimed bereavement and end-of-life educational consultant, leads interactive workshops for the community. Previous topics include: complicated grief, the difference between unexpected loss and anticipated loss, how to support those that are grieving, and is there such a thing as a “grief process?”
A light dessert reception will immediately follow the workshops. This workshop is free of charge. Attendees must be 18 years or older.
Please RSVP to Becky Lomaka at
firstname.lastname@example.org or 949-581-4300 x229.